December 22, 2009

Wayne Scheer

One Happy Family

So I say to Maggie, "When pigs fly, that's when I'll apologize."

"And when they come out your ass, that's when I'll accept your stupid apology. " She screams and slams the bedroom door so hard she wakes Emma.

I go to her and kiss her tears.

"Why are you and Mommy fighting?" she asks.

"Everything's okay, sweetie. Me and Mommy just need to let off some steam, is all."

I see Maggie standing at the door. She sits down on the bed, squeezing herself between me and Emily.

"It's all right, honey. Mommy and Daddy are here."

Emma stops crying and I see how cute she looks in her little pink bunny pajamas. I also notice that Maggie's nightgown is riding up her legs.

It's hard staying angry when your daughter looks so damn cute and your wife's flashing pubes.

Maggie holds out her hand and I take it.

"Pigs don't really fly, do they?" Emma asks. "And they won't come out of Daddy's—"

"No," I say.

And we all laugh like one big, happy family.


Wayne Scheer has published hundreds of short stories and essays, including, Revealing Moments, a collection of twenty-four flash stories, available here. Wayne has been nominated for four Pushcart Prizes and a Best of the Net.

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